Like most things in life, a perfectionist-attitude and thinking have a positive and negative side. Let's open the door to considering two sides of a story. Let's dive into today's Polished Perspective so that you can step into the holidays with more energy and less stress! Today's mission is to help you become more aware of the dark and light sides of yourself—the one that holds you back and the one that can move you forward. We will show you how you might flip any stressful perfectionist-mindset or behavior you possess on its more pressure-free polished side!
First, if you haven't followed our work, we must introduce ourselves as 'recovering perfectionists.' We are referring to that negative thinking that leads to procrastination in self-care and damages self-worth. We are not ashamed of our status, nor do we aim to impart guilt if you are that perfectionist-type.
We can relate to the mind working overtime the idea that life will be better when this happens, or that happens—in other words, waiting for the perfect time, person, or compliment to arrive before we can move forward and experience joy again. It's a white-knuckled wait around and hope-all-day someone else might change and become more perfectly shaped into what we imagine them to be. To our discouragement, we usually arrive at another go-nowhere destination in our personal growth. Who can think about self-care when the mind is busy waiting on (and trying to control) another person to make a change? We get stuck in a self-imposed struggle on replay. The only 'perfect' recipe we might whip up by putting things off is a mix of stress, anxiety, and self-doubt. All of this can lead to a dysfunctional role in relationships.
To control situations or other people, we are effectively giving over of Control to others to supply our happiness. This type of perfection-based-thinking only leads us to bitter feelings of disappointment and repeat procrastination. If we genuinely wish to change how we feel and experience life, we must become the change we want to see! That requires a deeper connection to our physiological, mental, and soul selves. How are they operating together? We refer to this as the P.M.S. awareness model of stress reduction, self-care, and personal development that fully lives into and respects your authentic self. There is pain before relief, and it's the 'good' kind like you may have experienced while giving birth; the knowledge that something extraordinary was about to come out the other side!
There's another giving over of Control you may have heard of, and that comes in the form of People-Pleasing. It can lead to negative pain if practiced negatively. As the holidays near, we see many women's stress rise when they are busy trying to get things 'just right', even if it means losing a week of sleep to make sure everyone is comfy and satisfied. We see nothing wrong with wanting to create joy for others. What becomes a big problem is where a juggle and struggle to achieve work and family balance are at the forefront while self-care goes out the window.
Now that we've explored the potential dark side of the perfectionist-attitude, how might we flip it to reflect a more light and polished positive side?
First, we must strongly acknowledge that we believe there is no shame in a desire to give our best to others. We don't want to ditch the word 'perfect' any more than we wouldn't ditch the word 'stress.' It's not their existence that's damaging. It's the type and way in which we handle these things that matter! We wish to ask you to ditch any feelings of shame associated with how you presently hear the word 'perfectionist.' You see, it's not uncommon to feel like you're 'fixing' yourself when it comes to self-development. And this can spark another round of self-doubt. We want to shift your thought process to remind you that it isn't our mission!
To strive for excellence as a mother, caregiver, volunteer, or career-focused woman isn't the problem, in our eyes. And suppose you can remember that ambition toward 'excellence' in most cases does not require perfection (such as a surgeon would need to achieve to prevent death). What kind of pressure does this perspective take off of you? One synonym for Polished is masterful. One way to become a master in self-care is to choose to learn to embrace your imperfections and the imperfections of others. When we neglect our body, mind, and spirit health, we risk feeling dead inside whether or not we're aware. We reject our flaws and view them as unworthy of viewing. So, let's flip our minds to become more aware of our P.M.S. pain and relieve it so that we may live life with bolder energy and confidence, and authenticity!
Next, we believe most women have heart-based intentions to do well for their families. There is also that little voice that feels like a de-valued failure when expectations of ourselves crash. Ask yourself, is it a loving voice? Is it compatible with self-care? Does this way of thinking reflect my most authentic and kind self? To us, this voice is a fear-based monster that threatens to humiliate you when the turkey burns and lights up self-doubt. It's the feeling of drained energy without explanation. Again, like the words perfect and stress, fear isn't the problem; it's how we deal with it that matters. Can you relate to this kind of dilemma?
Finally, to look and feel our polished best is to become a peace-maker with perfectionist-thinking. We can begin by redefining our relationship to perfect by exploring the dark and lights sides of it. When it comes to the white-knuckled wait for others to change to feel happier or the 'perfect' timing to start that business, we can choose to flip our attention to our physiological, mental, and soul selves. Are we nurturing these or putting up a natural defense against them? A practice in People-pleasing can become the daily pleasure on the one hand and grind on the other. Is the grind worth it?
How might you strike a happy balance between giving your best to others and taking better care of yourself? We suggest you refer to your P.M.S. pain often. Are you giving away your health in these areas? Do you feel stuck? If so, message us on Facebook! We're just one phone call away from helping you coach yourself forward through the holidays!